The Losses We Mourn

Psalm 30: 8-12

To you, O LORD, I cried,
and to the LORD I made supplication:
“What profit is there in my death,
if I go down to the Pit?
Will the dust praise you?
Will it tell of your faithfulness?
Hear, O LORD, and be gracious to me!
O LORD, be my helper!”

You have turned my mourning into dancing;
you have taken off my sackcloth
and clothed me with joy,
so that my soul may praise you and not be silent.
O LORD my God, I will give thanks to you forever.

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They put a parking lot on a piece of land
Where the supermarket used to stand.
Before that they put up a bowling alley
On the site that used to be the local Palais.
That's where the big bands used to come and play.
My sister went there on a Saturday.

Come dancing,
All her boyfriends used to come and call.
Why not come dancing, it's only natural?

"Come Dancing" by The Kinks

Nostalgia, mourning's seductive cousin. The song is the story of a young man who plays in a band remembering his version of "the day the music died," the day the local dance hall was dozed.

We all mourn this life, we all mourn differently. I call nostalgia mourning's seductive cousin because we still miss what we have lost, but nostalgia lacks the sense of dread that comes with other mourning. Since the dread, the sadness isn't present, we might hang onto those memories longer than is healthy. Mourning is an important thing, it's an important stage, but when it's more than a stage it can take hold of our lives and fail to let go.

Mourning itself is neither good nor bad. It needs to be experienced until its conclusion. They say we never "get over" some mourning, like the death of a loved one. But rather than "getting over it," this mourning is something we can get past or beyond, not get over. Mourning is a journey, one that we must never quit moving through. When we stop moving through the grief it becomes a stumbling block.

Nostalgia on the other hand is mourning that we enjoy so much we don't try to move beyond. Sometimes it becomes a fond memory, other times it becomes its own stumbling block.

The singer laments "the day they knocked down the Palais, part of my childhood died, just died." We all have that moment. It may be a school getting knocked down, it may be the spooky house in town burning, it may be when the corner soda fountain/drug store closed because the Mega-Pharmacy opened on the edge of town; it doesn't matter. We hall have these moments in our lives.

The girl mourns her youth being lost, the boy mourns his childhood. Psalm 30 puts this lament into cosmic perspective with praise for God's redemption, O LORD, you brought up my soul from Sheol, restored me to life from among those gone down to the Pit.

Psalm 30 doesn't shame mourning, on the contrary, it celebrates mourning as one more thing that the Lord redeems. The Lord takes our sackcloth and clothes us with joy. The Lord turns our mourning into dancing and for this we give thanks and share joy forever.

No, if you are mourning a loss today, you may not feel clothed in joy. Your mourning isn't dancing, not yet. It can take a long, long time. But know, the Lord can take those longings and make them into a salve for your soul. Then there is joy. Then we will share the Lord's faithfulness.

Rock Salt

Genesis 19:17 and 24-26

When they had brought them outside, the angels said, “Flee for your life; do not look back or stop anywhere in the Plain; flee to the hills, or else you will be consumed.”

Then the LORD rained on Sodom and Gomorrah sulfur and fire from the LORD out of heaven; and he overthrew those cities, and all the Plain, and all the inhabitants of the cities, and what grew on the ground. But Lot’s wife, behind him, looked back, and she became a pillar of salt.

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The city streets are empty now
(The lights don't shine no more)
And so the songs are way down low

A sound that flows into my mind
(The echoes of the daylight)
Of everything that is alive
(In my blue world)

I turn to stone when you are gone
I turn to stone

"Turn to Stone" written by Jeff Lynne, recorded by The Electric Light Orchestra on "Out of the Blue"

So much has been written about this passage, the turning of Lot's wife to stone, rock salt to be specific. It frequently wraps abound disobedience, she was smited because she did not do as the angels commanded. It's a pretty good lesson, but what if there is more? What if this is a lesson about how grief consumes us?

The family of Lot went from extended generations and dozens of cousins to exactly four in a flash. They had heard the threat prophesied against the city, a very nasty city. As they left town, the Lord rained sulfur and fire out of heaven onto Sodom and Gomorrah. It consumed everything, the cities and the inhabitants, and all the flora and fauna. Everything was gone. Lot's family didn't have a rear view mirror, but I can imagine they would have been able to see the brewing storm as sulfur and fire flew out of the skies like meteorites.

Majestic? Sure. Terrifying? Better be. Putrid? The sulfur smell, you bet. Everything Lot's wife knew, except for her husband and daughters, everything was gone, long gone. Grief and sorrow would be obvious responses. Jeff Lynne sang it well, "The city streets are empty now. (The lights don't shine no more)"

The proper amount of grief is a healthy part of life. Excessive grief is unhealthy. Excessive grief can cause us to stop in our tracks and stop time from moving at all. It can turn us to stone. In a funk of desperation, depression, and sadness; all you can see is "The echoes of the daylight, of everything that is alive in my blue world." And in Lot's wife's blue world, there was little left alive. She was turned to rock salt.

I offer no cheery pep-talk here. I offer that the people of scripture shared the same experiences we do everyday. There is joy, we like to focus on that. There is sorrow and pain and misery. We don't like that so much. Yet in all circumstances, the Lord is with us. In all times of our life, God walks alongside us. Even when we are so consumed with pain, grief, and sorrow it turns us to stone, Emmanuel, God is with us.